For all that we hear and use the term, self-esteem, you would think that we would all be speaking on a similar plane. I have not found that to be true. As I have written in other articles and spoken about in public on topics as varied as “bully-proofing” and visioning, the definition of self-esteem is in the eyes of the beholder.

Merriam-Webster defines self-esteem as “confidence and satisfaction in oneself.” A common psychological definition is “a favorable or unfavorable attitude toward the self.” Given these definitions, a bully or drug dealer can have self-esteem. But what I have witnessed is that one who has true self-esteem does not hurt at the core…Looking into the hearts of the hardest young men, I have found that there is a deep wound beneath this exterior of aggression. There is a tenderness of heart that is hard to explain unless you have witnessed it. Sometimes this heart is numb or barely noticeable to the individual. It would take too long to discuss the origin of the wound, but it is worth saying that the favorable attitude toward the self is just a veneer. True self-esteem runs deep.